The holidays are a time for laughter, giving, blessings and connection, but sometimes this seems to escape me. Our families can bring out the worst in us. Whether it’s stooping to a lower level, bickering like children, bringing us past resentments; there are many moments throughout the holidays when having your family gathered in one place at one time can be a lot to bear.
So, how can you break out of the patters of the past and choose to truly enjoy Christmas, or whichever tradition you celebrate? Here are some great tips that I will be living by this Christmas. I hope they bring you joy and freedom among any family drama you may run into.
Set boundaries
Do you have a family member or two that over-share, dump on you, drain you, or hold you to high expectations? Do you have a family member that crosses lines you may not even realize you have? Is there someone(s) who triggers you to feel anxious, sad or _______ fill in the blank? Setting boundaries with people you love is a healthy action that lets people know how much access to you they get. This means politely letting someone know the conversation is inappropriate for the time or place, that you don’t want to have this conversation or perhaps that it is none of yours or their business. Getting up and walking away is another way to leave a situation that feels icky to you. Maybe it means not over extending yourself this season? How can you set healthier boundaries with your family members?
Get off others roller-coaster
Someone recently told me this great analogy of the roller-coaster cars. Life is like a roller-coaster and everyone in your life has their own individual car. When you are caring too much about someone else’s stuff, worrying about their business, shouldering their burdens, or holding their hand to ease their pain; you are sitting in the passenger seat on their roller-coaster car. This is not your seat. That is God’s seat – or _______ fill in the blank whatever feels good to you, (i.e. The Universe, Higher Self, etc.) Get out of their car, go stand on the sidelines, wave and send them love. Take pictures. Just get out of their car. Their stuff not yours to worry about or control. God or ____ can do that much better than you. I refer back to this anytime I find myself overtly worrying about someone else. God’s got this. Trust it and let it go.
Check the judgment at the door
It’s easy for us to judge our family and loved ones without even realizing it. “Oh, she’s still with the dirt bag, he still hasn’t applied for college, he’s still working at that dead-end job, etc.” When you judge others you’re holding up a mirror to how you speak to yourself. Get out of the judgment and labeling and move to accepting and loving people exactly where they are, and who they are. You may still see things in them before they see or believe them, but that’s not your business. Your job is to love them exactly where they are right now. If you have a hard time with this, refer to number 2 above.
Forgiveness.
Forgiveness isn’t about enabling behavior or actions, or condoning it. Forgiveness is about letting go of an action, person, or situation that you have been holding onto. It’s about leaving the past in the past and moving forward without bringing the past with you into the present. When you rise above the situation and let it go, you raise your vibration and make space for how you really want to feel during the holidays.
How do you really want to feel during the holidays? Are you feeling it? What do you need to change or let go of to make space for that feeling to show up within?
