Moving through deep grief is no joke. This is why I’m celebrating, as I woke up with the inspiration to write this, and it shows how far I’ve come in one of the toughest years of my life. I’ve been wanting to write but the words have eluded me. 2019 has thrown my life a few curveballs and It was easier for me to go inward to process the intense changes happening for me.
Multiple life events transpired last spring leading up to the unexpected passing of my mom in July. After some deep digging I came to the awareness that it was time to travel. I knew I had confidence in my business to perform my work over the phone thanks to being in San Diego.
So I did what any bold adventure-seeking unattached healer would do, I broke my lease, sold my things and bought a one-way ticket to Mexico. It was my plan to make my way through Latin America south to Argentina. I conducted client calls during the week from my Airbnb and explored on the weekends. It was magical, fun, exhausting, and I’ve never felt so free. One month into working and traveling abroad I got a call that changed my life forever.
It’s incredible to realize how your life can change in the blink of an eye. It’s even more incredible to know that The Universe has aligned everything to catch you when you fall.
I had just arrived in Puerto Vallarta for a female ex-pat retreat I’d signed up for months earlier and was very excited about. I had nothing planned past the weekend, only a vague itinerary of what I wanted to do. I needed to book accommodations so I’d have a bed to sleep in three days’ time and private space to hold client sessions. Two hours into the retreat I got a call my mom had died – she’d had a heart attack.
The thing about grief is it seems you never actually move on from it, you just move forward with it. It doesn’t matter how distant, strained, loving or close you are.
Deep grief comes from a place you didn’t know existed inside of you. It moves like the tides of the ocean, in waves. It runs its own course which you can try to resist, push away as to not feel, but eventually, it needs to work its way through you. Deep grief so intense, it’s tempting to want to shut it down. But I fear it would close a person off and make them sick. The gift in feeling this level of grief is its ability to break you open.
Even with the work I do, I didn’t really know-how supported by The Universe I am. I know now.
To have 15 like-minded women catch me when I got the news. To support me at the most vulnerable time and help get me to the airport the next day as I cried my way back to the states. To have an old college friend there to welcome me with an open heart and home for me to grieve and manage my mom’s estate for the next three months. To have a dear friend watch my dog during all of this. To have my business functioning so I could work from anywhere.
Everything was lined up to support me during this chapter when it felt like my life blew up around me.
As the grief subsides, I am slowly picking back up my travels, though now I feel different because I am different and therefore am being called in a different direction. I’m excited to continue on my journey as I work with clients virtually and explore this beautiful planet and the cultures that call it home.
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