11 steps to NOT feeding into the family drama

Hey Y’all, sorry for the hiatus. It’s summer in Seattle. If you know anything about Seattle, enough said. If you don’t, I’ve been thoroughly getting my annual fill of Vitamin D…

I recently heard a quote, and I know not where it came from. But, it went something like this, “If you want to find out how enlightened you really are, spend time with your family.”  There is truly no better barometer.  Family has a tendency to know right where to get you. They know you so well, they test your triggers better than any other person on the plant. True or true?

Here’s my point; when it comes to your family, the areas where you experience anxiety, drama, anger, or resentment, there is work to be done. And, if your family is anything like mine, at times that can be a tall order.

1. Remember you cannot take anything back. There are no rewind or erase buttons in life. Be mindful what you say and how you say it.
2. Passive-aggressiveness is not a healthy or acceptable form of communication. Being direct can seem vulnerable, but when done from a heartfelt space, you show compassion for yourself as well as others.
3. What you teach to others you teach to yourself. Meaning if you treat people how you don’t want to be treated, you are teaching them how to treat YOU.
4. What you put out you get back. The way you treat others is also the way you are treating yourself. Would you honestly say or do that to your best friend? If YOU are your own best friend, would you treat yourself that way? If you wouldn’t treat yourself that way, why would you treat others that way? Especially your family?
5. The relationships you have with the people in your life is a reflection, or mirror, of your relationship with yourself. If you have a certain strenuous relationship in your life, what about you is drawing that in? What needs to heal?
6. Have healthy boundaries with Every. Member. Of. Your. Family. I don’t care if you are the child, parent, sibling, cousin, step-whatever, or grand-what have you. Respect others and respect yourself enough to hold healthy boundaries with each member. It will strengthen the family dynamic. No one person is better than another. You are a family. Support each other. Period.
7. Accept people for who they are. NOT what you want them to be. NOT what you think they should be. NOT who you think they should be. That is not supportive, that is controlling. Celebrate and accept them just as they are. They are on their own journey just like you. That is divine. That beautiful. That is life.
8. Stop judging them. Just stop. It’s not your business what they are or aren’t doing. All judgments are self-judgments, so when you judge others you are acting like a hypocrite. And no one likes a hypocrite.
9. With that said, if there is a toxic relationship in your life and you’ve taken every step in your power to heal it, let it be. Life is too short to allow toxic people into your sphere of good. Let them be and know when they choose to rise to your level of vibration, you will be ready and willing to open your arms to them.
10. In the face of drama, step back, breath deep and chose to respond vs. react. There is a big difference and responding versus reacting will make a vast difference in your experience of the issue.
11. Love yourself and give yourself a pat on the back. Family stuff is hard and our most difficult relationships may can be our greatest lessons in this life. When you realize this person(s) that drives you crazy may be your biggest teacher, you will learn to accept and love them regardless of all their flaws. And in return your love for yourself and them will grow.

Trust me, I’m still a work in progress with these steps, and I’m sure the healing process will be an ebb and flow over the years. Families are complicated, but we love them and owe a great deal of our growth and personal evolution to our families. If you believe in reincarnation, then it is important to realize we do choose our families. We chose to come into this life with these people to learn these things. When you accept that, it makes it easier to accept our loved ones for who they are and their contribution to our own personal soul growth.

Learn. Live. Love

Namaste.