(First, my apologies for the long hiatus in getting the last segment to this blog series posted! My bad. Needless to say, today I felt inspired to finish this series.)
I hope you are caught up on the PCBHI part 1 & PCBHI part 2, if not, take the time now, we will wait…. Ready? Ok, let’s talk building said list.
The List. Here we will cover how to make one and how to apply it properly to avoid common pitfalls like attracting the wrong mate or falling into what I like to call the “prince charming black hole of isolation.” You know what I’m talking about…
First off, it’s important to do a pulse check on yourself and where you are. Are you looking to just get back into the dating world? Are you looking for a monogamous long term relationship that leads to marriage? What about kids; do you want them, is it ok for your partner to have them? There may be a difference in where you actually are and what you want. Often times you want to want something, but aren’t quite ready for it to show up yet. That’s ok, just be aware of it. When you make the shift to being ready to have what you want, it will come to you with ease and joy.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume you obviously want to be attracted to your mate? But let’s be real people. Are you looking for someone you are attracted to, or are you looking for a Victoria Secret model/Greek god? Being realistic with your expectations is important. Tall dark and handsome is totally acceptable, but if you are turning away a potential the love of your life because of crooked teeth or the fact that he/she is an artist instead of a doctor, you are the problem. In line with this, it’s important to not be afraid to get specific. If you are wishy washy about what you want, you’re going to get a lot of what you don’t want. Check your expectations and make sure they are reasonable.
At this point you may be asking yourself, “how do I begin this list? What do I add to it? How long do I make it?” Well, let’s dive in. A good rule of thumb is to always start with: female/male, single, strait/gay, and emotionally & physically available. For instance, it could look something like this:
Surface stuff
- Tall, dark, and handsome
- Stylish
- Hygienic
- Athletic
- Cute ass (I mean why not?)
- Age range
Traits – Here you get to be more specific about the person’s interests, endeavors, habits, and lifestyle.
- Cooks
- Clean/organized
- Successful
- Adventurous
- Enjoys world travel
- Cultured
- Urban dweller
Qualities & Characteristics – This is your chance to request a partner who shares your core values and goals.
- Wants children
- Open
- Communicative
- Shares political views
- Shares religious/spiritual views
- Loves their family
- Patient
- Tollerant of alternate lifestyles
- Kind
The juicy bits – This is the substance to your equation. How do you feel when you are with this person? How do you want to be treated? What stuff is important nourishing a lasting relationship? Check in with yourself. What do you truly deserve? How do you want to be treated and how do you want to treat the love of your life?
- Communication
- Feel loved, cherished and adored
- Accepted
- Like I’m with my best friend.
- Balanced
- Passion
- Chemistry
Got the idea? Great! All I have left to say is be open to the possibilities and most importantly, have fun! This is YOUR list, so make it your own.
With love,
Erika
